Today I’ve got a controversial topic — do women lower your testosterone levels?
This came up after I received a long email from a subscriber, and I want to share that story and explore the science and personal experience behind it.
A Real Story from a Viewer
Here’s the message I received:
“Hey doc, I think being in a relationship is killing my testosterone. I’m not motivated like I used to be and my sex drive is in the toilet.
About two years ago, I did a blood test and my testosterone level was 812 — which I think is pretty good.
Then I met my girlfriend. A year later, I did another blood test and it dropped to 371. Nothing else changed in my life other than having a girlfriend.
Recently, I started taking AlphaViril and 6 months later, my testosterone increased to 724. I feel better, but still not as good as I was before my girlfriend. Could being in a relationship really lower my testosterone? Should I break up with her?”
Initial Reactions & What the Research Says
Yes — being in a relationship can lower testosterone levels.
But it’s not that women themselves are the problem. This is a nuanced issue involving emotions, stress, lifestyle, and brain chemistry.
During the early stages of dating, testosterone and dopamine levels are high — you’re pursuing, hunting, energized.
Over time, once your emotional needs are met, things become stable and sexually routine. Dopamine drops, and so does testosterone.
Toxic Relationships and Hormonal Health
This subscriber didn’t mention the quality of his relationship. And that’s important.
If you’re in a toxic relationship — constantly criticized, manipulated, belittled — it’s like emotional castration. Here’s the practical side: how do you fix low testosterone?.
This causes a drop in self-esteem and can lead to increased cortisol, the real enemy of testosterone. That’s right — the opposite hormone of testosterone isn’t estrogen, it’s cortisol. When cortisol rises, testosterone falls.
How Stress Kills Testosterone
Any long-term stress increases cortisol and adrenaline, which decreases testosterone. Whether it’s from:
- Lack of sleep
- Money or career problems
- Excessive exercise
- Health issues
- Relationship conflict
… Chronic stress is a major testosterone killer.
Scientific Studies on Relationships & Testosterone
Studies show that men in committed romantic relationships have approximately 20–21% lower testosterone levels than single men.
Another study found that the longer a man is in a relationship, the lower his testosterone.
Some researchers argue this is a good thing — it may reflect relationship satisfaction.
But for many men, low testosterone means a drop in sex drive, energy, and self-confidence.
What Happens When Testosterone Drops?
As testosterone falls, so does drive, not just sexually, but in all areas of life.
You become apathetic. Stop taking action. You stop feeling like a man.
Lower testosterone can turn into a cycle of inaction and low self-worth. And if you’re the type of person who’s a “nice guy,” being in a toxic relationship can amplify these effects — especially if you’re being taken for granted or disrespected.
A Personal Story & Observation
I dated a woman years ago who respected her mom but not her dad.
Her mom was “the boss,” and her dad was “a potato.” Over time, her mom had broken him down emotionally. He eventually gave up and stopped trying. I’ve seen this in many relationships, and I’ve experienced it myself.
If you’re constantly accommodating and passive, you’ll lose your partner’s respect. And when respect is lost, attraction follows.
The Long-Term Cost of Staying in a Toxic Relationship
If you’re in a toxic relationship, you have two choices:
- Fix it with counseling if it’s possible.
- Get out before it damages your health even further.
People rarely change. If things are bad now, they often get worse.
Don’t let yourself be the person who sacrifices their health and happiness trying to “make it work” when it’s clearly harmful.
Final Thoughts
If you’re in a positive, respectful relationship, awesome — communicate that appreciation. But regardless of your relationship status, the real key is to:
Because once your hormones are optimized, your energy, confidence, and drive will return. Life will feel exciting again. And you’ll start making better decisions — for your body, your mind, and your relationships.
So take action today.
And if you’re in a toxic situation, don’t delay: Fix it or move on.
You’re too important to waste your life in stress and hormonal imbalance.
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